How to "let them" and Your Self-Worth in Christ

Photo by NADER AYMAN on Unsplash

I recently finished reading The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. It was published in December of 2024, but was still so hugely popular, that I had to wait over two months to check out a digital copy from the library. 

Once the book was “in my hands” and I had begun to read, I quickly understood within a few pages why this book took off like a rocket and was wildly successful. If you haven’t read it yet or maybe you haven’t heard of this book, let me share a brief summary to get you up to speed.

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The Let Them Theory addresses the many ways in which we give away our energy and power by constantly trying to control other people, their choices, their circumstances, etc. Once we acknowledge what we already know — that we cannot do this, and instead focus on what we can control — our own choices, we can release our unrealistic expectations and prioritize our own peace and growth. 

Essentially, this is a two-step process. 

1. We have to choose to: 

• “let them” be responsible for their own happiness, feelings, and actions

• detach our self-worth from other’s approval and opinions

• release the need to control or change others and allow them to make their own choices

2. We have to choose to:

• “let me” concentrate on my own actions, thoughts, and goals

• establish healthy boundaries

• prioritize my own well-being and peace rather than trying to make everyone else happy

While these two steps seem easy enough to implement and follow, you can likely see how doing these two things — let them and let me — are actually much harder than those words imply. 

As with most things in life, the benefits to be gained from adopting this mindset shift should be all that’s necessary to motivate you to keep applying them in your life until they become second nature. This approach to life encourages you to set healthy boundaries, helps to reduce anxiety and overthinking, and encourages you to accept yourself as you are.

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While I have provided a simplistic summary of the book, I would like to point out that Mel does not shy from addressing the hard topics we’ve all experienced in relationships from friendships and dating to marriage and children. As you read her book, you’ll discover that she does not hesitate to share real-life examples from her own life to illustrate how to use this approach in various scenarios that most of us have experienced.

I have to admit that the further I got into the book, the more I was amazed to discover how much I have allowed my own concern with the opinions and approval of others to dominate my thinking — both consciously and subconsciously. I honestly thought I had a pretty good sense of my self-worth.

I was surprised by this realization because as a Christian, I would have sworn that I didn’t give that much authority to other people because I care most about what God thinks about me. The reality, however, is that I had fallen back into old patterns and cared way too much about others’ opinions and acceptance of me. 

When I realized that I had started to fall back into old habits , I started thinking about the relationship between the let them theory and my Christian faith. I remembered a Bible verse that I memorized in high school in preparation for a mission trip. 

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.    — 1 Timothy 4:12

At the time, I focused on the fact that Paul was telling Timothy two things: 

1. That Timothy should not feel like he had to make excuses for himself because he was a young man nor should he let others treat him as less because of his age. 

2. He shouldn’t use his age as an excuse to act immaturely. Instead, he should set an example for others in the way he talked, behaved, and treated others.

What I didn’t realize until the other day was that this verse speaks to us no matter our age — we should not waste our energy worrying about what anyone else thinks of us. Our focus should be on doing our best to live our lives as good examples for other believers. In other words, I needed to be working on seeing my value and self-worth in Christ alone.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Do You Find Your Self-Worth in Christ?

Self-worth is something that every human being struggles with to one degree or another. We are really good at lying to ourselves but we also know the truth about who we are no matter what image we try to project. When you’re honest with yourself about who you are deep down, it can be very hard to have a good level of self worth, even as a Christian.

This is where things get awesome — God chose to come after us when we were still His enemies and told us that He loves us, He wants to spend eternity with us, and that He would sacrifice His only Son for us! As David, the author of the Psalms wrote: 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. — Psalm 139:6

If this is how God thinks of me, then why do I care what anyone else thinks?

Well...

because...

I’m human and live in the physical world where the things I can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch dominate my train of thought. It takes a conscious effort for me to spend time with God and ask Him to speak to me and fill me with His wisdom. 

When I do that, when I spend that time with Him, my priorities are realigned and I realize that only His opinion of me is what truly matters. He loves me no matter what. I’m still 100% human, imperfect, and sinful. I still mess up everyday all day long. The awesome part is that the more I dwell on God’s opinion of me, the more I’m able to “let them” and truly not care what others think of me. 

Practical Application

So now what? You’re just supposed to read my words, do what I said, and everything will be better? Absolutely not. In fact, I just laughed out loud thinking about anyone believing it was that easy.

Here’s where the practical application comes — spend time with your Creator, your Heavenly Father, the One who made you and knows you more intimately than you can even know yourself and YET 

He STILL LOVES YOU!!!! 

Read His Word everyday and let His thoughts about you fill your mind so that you can truly “let others think whatever they want” because it won’t matter to you when you know how the only One who truly matters thinks about you. You are His precious child whom He loves more than words in the English language can convey.

“let them” think you’re odd

“let them” think you’re too old

“let them” think you have strange taste in music

“let them” think it’s weird that you don’t want to do what everyone else is doing

Let Them

and let me...

“let me” choose to spend time with God in prayer and Bible reading each day

“let me” choose to set a good example for other believers

“let me” choose to live differently because my eyes are on eternity

“let me” choose to enjoy the gifts God has given to me (health, gardening, children, grandchildren, friends, pizza, chocolate chip ice cream)

Let Me

Because as a Christian, when I’m focusing on what I can do, what I can decide, what I can control, isn’t that when I’m being most obedient to God and choosing how to wisely use, steward, and enjoy what He has given to me instead of spending all my time trying to make everyone else obey and behave — which was always His domain to control anyway.