Are You Going Crazy or Is It Anger?

In this series on anger, we've looked at how chronic anger, or long-term anger, negatively impacts our physical health and our emotional health. Today, we're going to focus on what chronic anger does to our ability to think logically and rationally.

Have you ever thought about what happens in your brain when you get angry? Maybe you've wondered why you got so lost in an argument that you couldn't figure out how to get back to the root cause or even why you seemed to lose the ability to clearly state your point. Have you ever told someone you're still angry at them because they never apologized only to have them respond emphatically and sincerely that they did in fact say, "I'm sorry," leaving you wondering if you have a hearing problem?

Rest assured, you're not going crazy, but you are losing your mind when you're under the influence of anger.

When you get angry, there are immediate impacts in various areas of your brain. The amygdala is responsible for identifying threats and can act faster than the prefrontal cortex, which is the rational and logical part of the brain. It makes sense that the amygdala works faster since it's responsible for triggering our fight or flight response and that kind of decision obviously needs to be made as quickly as possibleI to ensure our safety. Unfortunately, this frequently leads to immediate, impulsive, and often irrational reactions.

In addition to being the center for rational and logical thinking, the prefrontal cortex also helps regulate emotions and provide context to help us make decisions. When the amygdala hijacks our brain, the prefrontal cortex is subdued, making it very difficult for you to calm down or think about possible consequences before you act.

Anger's Long-Term Impacts

One of the things that happens in our brains when we get angry is that we get a rush of dopamine. Anger can actually feel rewarding because of this dopamine rush, which can actually create an addiction to anger!

Here's a quick self-screening test you can take to find out if you are addicted to anger. Just answer yes or no to the following questions:

1. Do you feel a sense of power or an adrenaline rush when you're angry?

2. Do you often feel guilty, ashamed, or apologetic after an outburst?

3. Do you use anger to avoid feeling sad, insecure, or vulnerable?

4. Do people tell you that you become angry too quickly or often?

5. Have you broken things, slammed doors, or acted aggressively in anger?

6. Do you struggle to let go of grudges or forgive people?

7. Is your anger causing regular problems at work or in relationships?

What the results mean: If you answered "yes" to four or more questions, you may have an addiction to unhealthy anger. * Mayo Clinic

After the initial rush of dopamine is gone, if you do not find a healthy way to release your anger, you might be surprised to learn that just because you feel calmer does not mean that it has left your body. In fact, unresolved anger stays in your body, becoming chronic anger, and wreaking havoc with your mental health.

Damaged Memory and Learning

• chronic anger leads to high levels of cortisol, which can damage the hippocampus, impairing your memory and ability to process new information

Structural Changes

• the more frequently your amygdala is activated, the more it strengthens your brain's pathways for anger, making it easier and easier for you to become angry

Reduced Empathy

• the more your amygdala is used, the less active your prefrontal cortex becomes, making it harder for you to understand another person's perspective

Mental Health Disorders

• chronic anger has been linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation

Cognitive Impairment

• chronic anger can lead to and increase passive-aggressive behavior, substance use, as well as impulsive and reckless decisions

How Do I Break the Cycle of Chronic Anger?

No matter where you are in your struggle with anger, whether you've noticed you seem more on edge lately, feel constantly wired and tired, or grudgingly acknowledge that anger has been running your life for some time now, there is hope!

Just as your brain can strengthen a pathway to anger, you can learn the steps necessary to weaken that path and strengthen the path to slowing down your reactions and speeding up your critical thinking. Neuroplasticity is what allows your brain to physically change based on repeated behaviors. How cool is that?!

When you consistently choose to manage anger rather than acting on it, you actively weaken the pathways to anger and strengthen the pathways to self-control and critical thinking!

You might be thinking, "Great! How do I get started"?

Rewiring Your Brain

If you're tired of feeling on edge, or wired and tired, or chronically anger, you'll be relieved to know there are a number of different tools you can use to help change your brain.

1. Slow Your Reaction Time

   1. Create a 90-second rule for yourself. Why 90 seconds? Well, it takes about a minute and a half for that urge to act on anger to get out of your system. By pausing for 90 seconds before doing anything, you avoid the amygdala's attempts to emotionally hijack your brain.

   2. During this 90 seconds, take a deep breath in for a 6 count, let it out for a 6 count, and repeat until you feel your body calming down. Walk away for 90 seconds. You could even count to 90. These activities give your prefrontal cortex the time it needs to circumvent the amygdala and start to function again.

   3. Give a name to what you're feeling. Literally say these words out loud - "I am feeling anger" or "I am angry." This might sound silly, but identifying the emotion you're feeling helps to reengage the rational part of your brain.

2. Exercise or Strengthen Your Critical Thinking

   1. Stop immediately assuming negative intent on the part of the other person. Try to come up with an alternative reason for the situation. For example, "What else could this mean?" or "Did they realize how that came across?"

   2. Don't accuse. Ask a clarifying question instead. For example, "I heard you say you feel overwhelmed when I don't help with dinner. Is that correct?" Not only will this help to engage the rational part of your brain and give you more information, but it will also help the other person to realize that you are listening to them and trying to resolve things.

   3. Try to find triggers or patterns in your anger. Identifying personal triggers is important because it helps you to be more self-aware and it weakens the trigger's ability to cause a knee-jerk reaction. Journaling is a great way to identify triggers or find patterns.

   4. When you feel frustrated or angry with someone, there is actually a good way to communicate what you're feeling without causing them to react defensively. State whatever it is your feeling with an "I" statement.

      Accusatory Statement: "You always leave the dishes in the sink because you don't care about me".

      "I" Statement: "I feel frustrated when you leave the dishes in the sink because it makes me feel like you don't care about me.

      
      

Fair warning - if you struggle with perfectionism, you will need to be patient and kind with yourself. Rewiring your brain will not happen overnight. Anger is dangerous and destructive and you've seen how it can hijack your brain and make you do things you'd never do unless you were under the influence of anger. The great news is that you can choose to stop letting anger run the show, choose to use some of the tools I shared with you, and choose to work consistently to rewire your brain to be slower to react so that you can respond more logically and less emotionally to a situation.

The goal isn't to be cold and calculating. The goal is to be more in control of the things you say and do, so that you don't hurt the people around you and are no longer in the grip of anger.