The Masks We Wear

Photo by Daniel Lloyd Blunk-Fernández on Unsplash

Have you ever thought about the masks you wear without a second thought as you go through your day? Stop for a moment and think about it.

While you don’t intentionally walk around trying to be fake or someone you’re not, you’re also probably not always showing everyone the authentic you. We all have various masks that we slip on and off depending on the situation we find ourselves in. Here are a few examples:

The Polite Mask

When you shop for groceries, or run errands, you likely smile at any employee who help you out or ring up your purchases. If they ask you how you’re doing, you probably tell them “I’m fine” without thinking about it, even if your world is actually falling apart. It’s easier to hide our struggles behind a mask of politeness where we keep others at arm’s length.

The Humor Mask

Maybe you use the humor mask to deflect when you’re feeing vulnerable, sad, or embarrassed. It’s a pretty ingenious mask because if people don’t know you well, they’ll likely be convinced you’re just a genuinely funny and carefree person rather than notice you’re struggling with something.

The Victim Mask

It’s easier to identify this mask if you listen to someone long enough. You’re likely to hear someone using a victim mask place the blame for various things happening in their life on other people or circumstances. They may be unaware that they rarely accept responsibility for their choices and actions because they’re more concerned about protecting their self-esteem.

---

As I was thinking about these and other types of masks, it began to dawn on me that there are people who are always angry. It’s as if somehow they forgot to take the mask off once they were done being angry and it has become a permanent part of their everyday life. Just the other day, we were in the car and came to a stoplight when one of my daughters pointed out the woman driving the car next to us. My daughter was struck by how angry the woman looked. I glanced out the window and immediately saw the same thing. The lines around the woman’s mouth had settled into what looked like a permanent scowl.

While we will all eventually get to the point where we have permanent wrinkles, I certainly hope the lines around my mouth form more of a look of contentment or happiness, not anger. I don’t want to look like I’m always mad at everyone around me because anger is a mask that is used to keep people from getting too close.

---

I began to realize that some people might choose to use anger as a way to protect themselves from being hurt. Instead of being used as a mask in the moment, it becomes a permanent part of their being.

That was a scary thought. I mean, think about that — you spend so much of your time being angry at others that it’s no longer something you switch on or off, it’s always on!

An anger mask is certainly effective and protects you from getting hurt emotionally, because let’s be honest, who wants to spend time with an angry person? What’s that saying — the ones closest to you are the ones who can hurt you the most?

With that in mind, it’s easy to see that some people choose to live their lives like that lyric from Simon and Garfunkel’s song I Am a Rock — I am a rock, I am an island. You can indeed prevent most of the hurts that come from living in relationships — but at what cost? In fact, at the end of their song, Simon and Garfunkel answer that question with these haunting lines:

And a rock feels no pain

And an island never cries

If you’ve listened to that song, you know the way they wrote the harmony indicates that that is no way to live. If anything, it’s just existing. We weren’t made to live in isolation. We were made for connection!

---

I don’t know if you’re currently living with an angry mask. If it’s still a mask and not your default mode, I encourage you to take it off and leave it off! Yes, you will likely be hurt by someone you care about, but there is so much good that comes from healthy and loving relationships! Much more than the bad can outnumber.

If you realize that your mask has become a permanent feature, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about what is at the root of your anger. Sure, there are many things that have made you angry and will likely cause anger in the future. My guess is, there is a deep hurt in your past, and that planted the seed to tempt you to keep the mask of anger in place for protection. Stop believing this lie!

For your sake, for your physical health and mental well being, start working on releasing the anger you have held on to so that you can begin to be free from this corrosive mindset.