I Do Not Have a Problem with Anger!

Forgiveness is a journey - one that will lead you from anger to peace and from pain to freedom, but what if you're not even aware that you have a problem with anger and therefore don't need to forgive anyone?

You're going through life thinking things are pretty good, you have some relationship issues, but who doesn't?

You think that you're a pretty reasonable person and anger isn't an issue for you until... you start wondering why you have persistent headaches that seem to have no cause, you realize you feel like others consistently let you down, or you notice you've been verbally aggressive lately. Talk about a 1-2 punch!

If any of this sounds uncomfortably familiar, stick with me to discover why chronic anger is so dangerous for your mental, emotional, and physical health, and what you can do about it.

Why We're Oblivious to Our Problem with Anger

Most of us learned from an early age that anger is not an acceptable emotion to display. We discovered that it could be a potential threat to our relationships, disrupted our home environment, and was even considered dangerous and something to avoid. Maybe you were even taught through words or example that anger is something you need to suppress. For many people, this likely resonates with you because it's been your lived experience. If this even remotely describes your understanding of anger or the way you relate to feeling the emotion of anger, maybe you can begin to see why you would not be aware if you actually have a problem with anger. After all, you don't lash out at people without provocation or start arguments with total strangers.

The problem is, outbursts of anger are easy to identify, but struggles with chronic anger are much harder to see, identify, and deal with.

What Chronic Anger Looks Like

Physically, chronic anger can make itself known in a number of ways, including:

• persistent muscle tension

• unexplainable headaches

• upset digestive system (acid reflux, stomach aches)

• high blood pressure

• insomnia or messed up sleep patterns

Emotionally, you might see this in yourself:

• constantly feeling like you have a short fuse

• overwhelming sense of resentment with no specific target

• feeling like the world is against you

• believing others constantly let you down

Behaviorally, you might experience these:

• verbal aggression

• harsh criticism

• passive-aggressive communication

• slamming doors

• aggressive driving

What Can You Do?

If you've started to see yourself in this post, you're probably feeling a number of things, including - defensiveness, denial, or desperation for a solution. I am not a mental health specialist, but I have had my own long-term battle with chronic anger, and I know how tightly it can hold you in its grasp without you ever realizing you were trapped.

As G.I. Joe said - knowing is half the battle.

If you're able to acknowledge that you might have a problem with chronic anger, a good place to start is spending some quiet time in journaling or meditation. By meditation, I mean thinking about what triggers your anger (a person, situation, memory), how you respond or feel, and why.

The why piece might be easy to identify or it could take some time. Since chronic anger is often the result of trauma, abuse, neglect, or other deep wounds, you might have been carrying this burden for so long that you've buried the reason or cause very deep in your mind. Be gentle with yourself if it takes time to get to the root cause.

Journaling can be helpful for a variety of reasons from allowing you get your emotions out on paper, identifying hidden patterns, and providing insight into what you need to change.

Prayer and spending time reading the Bible are hopefully a part of your daily life already, but if they aren't, start today. Ask God to guide you on this journey and to give you wisdom, strength to deal with this problem of chronic anger so that you can get rid of it. One of my favorite Bible verses is found in Isaiah 40:31 - But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. God is faithful, and when you ask Him to help you, He will!

As I say all the time, forgiveness isn't a pick-up order, it's a process. Chronic anger likely isn't something that was caused by a one-time event and it definitely didn't appear overnight. Likewise, getting rid of it won't happen overnight. While this will take time, the end result will be SO worth it!